A Single Seed

“I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.” John 12:24

I’m gonna talk about love today, specifically in a relational context. I’m no expert on falling in love, but God has given me some wisdom in this area. And come to think of it, I don’t know how you become an expert in falling in love. People who are experts in falling in love are probably not very good at staying in love. And that’s what actually counts. How do you stay in love? That’s what the million dollar question is.
But if you look at scripture, there is a key to love and I think it has a lot to do with what is necessary to stay in love after you fall. Now in John 12, Jesus is not talking about romantic love specifically. He is telling his disciples what has to happen if he is to fulfill his mission on earth. He has to die. They don’t want him to die, but he has to. That is the only way for God’s love to find it’s way to us. Jesus had to die. And when he did, he produced so much more than himself.
When we think of romantic love, we know that there are some things you are going to give up in order to be in relationship with this other person. You are not going to just up and go wherever you want whenever you want and think that your relationship will last. You are going to have to communicate. You are going to have to compromise. You are going to have to share responsibility for maintaining the relationship if it is ever going to grow. And in a lot of ways, you are going to have to die.
In know that this is the case for me. In any intimate relationship, whether it be romantic, familial or friendship, at some point you are going to have to lay down a piece of yourself for the sake of the relationship. I don’t think there is anyway around it. And for those of us who desire to be married, this is something that must be embraced. Like Jesus said, if it doesn’t fall to the ground and die, it remains a single seed. There are some habits, freedoms and preferences that you may have to learn to let die for the sake of a relationship. This is not to say that you have to lose yourself. As a matter of fact, you probably need to be whole before you enter into a marriage especially. If you are not whole independently, then it is going to be hard for you to find your way to learning how to be interdependent. There is a difference in laying down your life and being killed.
But when you do lay down your life for the sake of your relationship, then you might find that so much more grows out of it than you could have ever done holding onto your single independent seed. Sometimes you have to swallow your pride and do things that you would not normally do in order to give the relationship the space it needs to grow. But the single seed must first die. That is the hard to swallow part.
I’ve had to do that several times in the past week. I had to change my normal pattern of behavior in order to benefit a relationship. Normally, I would pray until I got my answer about a particular issue and peace from God and then I would be good. But this time, I had to work it out with the person and battle through it instead of getting my peace from God directly. And it was death for me. God wouldn’t even talk to me about it. Every time I prayed, I got nothing. And all I kept hearing was, “Your going to have to work this one out differently”. But in the process, I felt so much lighter and closer to God because I was actually engaging in an opportunity to become more like Jesus. I understood more clearly what he meant by this scripture. I didn’t like the process at all. I still don’t. But I know that the reward is worth it. The relationships were worth it. Not only am I in a better position relationally, but spiritually as well. And I didn’t even get my way all the time. Well, not exactly. But it didn’t even matter. God was doing something in me that helps me to be closer to Him.
Most of us want to have love in our lives in many ways. We want romance, family, friends, community. We want to experience genuine relationship. But if we do, we have to be prepared for what intimate relationships will bring. Death. The version of you that can live independent of others is going to have to die in order to bring life to the version of you that needs to experience life in relationship. But the fruit of that death produces so much more than you could ever produce on your own. I’m sure if you asked any married couple today to testify to what they had to give up for the sake of their marriage, you would find that there would be some stories. Love must die in order for love to live through us and produce more of itself. So to all my single friends who want to be married, prepare to die. To everyone who wants to experience true love on this earth, something will have to die. Just make sure you are whole first, so you won’t be killed.