The Dowry Revival Part II
“And Leah said, God hath endued me with a good dowry; now will my husband dwell with me, because I have born him six sons. . . “ Genesis 30:20 KJV
So now that you know what you are working with and what you bring to the table, what do you do with that information? There are a lot of us out there who have finally gotten to the point in our lives where we know that God has made us for a purpose. God has given us gifts and talents and all of these wonderful things that we use to make ourselves fruitful in this life. We even start to use those things, and maybe get a few accolades on occasion. Maybe we start to know what we are working with, and we work it. But this can also sometimes be deceiving.
Leah was the first wife of Jacob, given to him by her father, Laban as a con. Jacob was intent on marrying Rachel, Leah’s younger sister, whom he was in love with. But Laban tricked Jacob by giving him Leah as a wife instead, and since he was drunk and she was veiled on his wedding night, he couldn’t tell. He woke in the morning to find out that the switch was made, and he would have to work another seven years for Laban in order to get Rachel as a wife. Leah was not Jacob’s first choice. He was still in love with Rachel when he was with Leah. And Leah felt rejected because of it.
I would, too. But in those days, women didn’t really have much say in their lives the way we do now. They were chosen as a wife for a man and given away by their fathers. They didn’t get to date the way we do (which by the way is a fairly new practice). They didn’t get to go out an build careers and then have their pick of men. They had to deal with their circumstances differently than we do today. Having a good dowry was another way that she found value in her life. And part of what Leah used to find value in herself was her ability to produce children for Jacob. She thought that because she bore him six sons, Jacob would suddenly change his mind towards her. She was working with something great . . . fertility. In those days, a woman’s ability to have children was how she found value. But Leah was using the wrong measurement to determine her worth.
Although the circumstances might not be the same as we have today, the mentality that Leah had is not foreign to us. There are still many of us who believe that because we are gifted or wealthy or fertile, we can use that as a way to get other people to love us. We flaunt ourselves before those who really don’t want anything to do with us. And then we think that is we possess the fruit of what society values as important, we can use that to build relationships. That’s just not true. There are plenty of women out there who still believe that by having a man’s child, you can get him to love you. Not going to happen. There are women out there who believe that by being wealthy, they can get a man to love them. Not going to happen. There are women out there who believe that by being the best homemaker in the world and serving his every need, they can get a man to love them. Not going to happen. The only way for someone to love you is for them to love you. It’s their choice. You influence that by just being yourself and being confident in who you are. Nothing external that you do will ever cause someone to love you and if that is the only reason for them loving you, then when those things go away, so does the person.
Knowing your worth does not mean that you have to use those things to force people into relationship with you. Love yourself. And anyone who loves you will love you for you. Relationships don’t last long term if they are built on superficial reasons. If you are not comfortable with you, then no one else will be either. Know what you are bringing to the table, but don’t use that to try to control another person. If that is the only reason they are with you, then you never had them in the first place. Love yourself enough to engage in genuine relationships instead of superficial ones. Leah didn’t really have a choice. We do. Choose wisely.
Stay tuned for part III. . .
Friday, January 20, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
The Dowry Revival Part I
The Dowry Revival Part I
And Leah said, “God hath endued me with a good dowry . . .” Genesis 30:20 KJV
The practice of dowries is ancient, but in some cultures is still practiced, today. America is just not one of them. Our marriage traditions seem to revolve around the wedding and not preparation for marriage itself. People spend all this time dreaming about what gown they will wear; how many bridesmaids or groomsmen they will have; what the reception will be like; what their pictures are going to look like; their hair; the honeymoon or whatever. All of that for one day. The marriage itself, is going to last a lifetime (supposedly). And rarely does that level of planning and dreaming go into what it will take to sustain the marriage.
Dowries used to be given to the bride to take with her into the marriage. It was a sum of money or property that would be given to the bride as economic protection for her and possibly the children in case something happened to the husband or they were to be treated badly by the husband’s family. It was also something to help establish the new household and give the husband something to work with to build their own wealth as a new family. Usually, the dowry came from what the woman earned prior to the marriage or was given to her by her father.
The dowry system, like I mentioned, is not practiced in the USA to my knowledge. We have some similar practices of things like bridal showers, or bridal trunks, but that has seemed to turn more into an excuse to give lingerie or floating candles and massage oil to the bride. And while those things represent the fun side of a wedding and even a marriage, they do not do the same thing as a dowry. The dowry was to help establish and protect the household economically. The bridal shower gifts are often for fun. There are also the people who give money to the couple when they get married to help establish the household economically. I guess that is the closest we have to that assistance. But usually, couples spend more on their wedding than they get in financial gifts and often begin their lives together in debt.
Since money is one of the major causes of divorce, wouldn’t it make sense to do some level of preparation for the economics of a marriage before the wedding? And that means that both parties have a role in making preparations. So although we do not practice the customs of dowries in our country, I think the principles are worth discussing. What are you bringing to the table?
By this question, I am not only referring to your financial means. The scripture above, was not actually referring to money, but is speaking about what Leah thought she was bringing to her marriage to Jacob. And she acknowledged that that dowry came from God. Today, we have a lot of women who assume that their knight in shining armor is going to come and take care of everything economically for the household. And some men, also, think that it is their responsibility alone to do so. However, a wise woman builds her house, according to Proverbs 14:1. If you are not bringing something, then you are putting a lot of pressure on your man to do it all. But you also have to know what you are working with.
In dowry situations, a man was going to work with the dowry to help ease the burden of setting up the new household. The more he had to work with, the better they may be in the long run. There are two things working here: First, the woman had to have something to work with. Second, the man had to know how to work it. If you already know what you are working with, not every man is worthy of working it. But you (ladies) have to know the difference. There is nothing worse than giving somebody something of yours that they just jack up later. It’s like inviting someone into your house who comes in and puts holes in the wall all over the place. Or takes your car and goes joyriding and brings it back with dents and pieces missing. You don’t entrust your possessions to everybody, because not everybody can handle them properly.
Maybe you didn’t get a lot from your natural father for whatever reason, but your Heavenly Father has certainly given you plenty to work with. Regardless of your financial position in life, for those of us who want to be married, we have to know the value of what we are bringing to the table. And for those who do not yet know their value, perhaps you should not yet get married. If you are still willing to accept anybody into your life who clearly has no idea what to do with your dowry, then maybe you are not ready. You are bringing something to the table, and the man you say yes to, must know what to do with that. In your dowry is security for the family. In your dowry is protection for the family.
So what is in your dowry? God has given you plenty. You have gifts and talents that you need to be using. You have a brain that is useful and a way of thinking that can be of value to another person. You have dreams and goals that are important to the future of the family. Your man has to know how to work your dowry. All of it. If he cannot give you the space you need to be you and contribute what you have to the household, then he is actually holding himself back. God gave those things to you, but he will benefit as you share them with your man. And the better he is at knowing what to do with your dowry, the more fruitful your household could be. But if he is attempting to waste what you have been given, then he, too will suffer.
But I encourage all of us ladies to examine what we have been given to work with and use it to be of value, first to ourselves, then to a spouse. If you don’t know what you are working with, you cannot expect anyone else to either. You are worth a lot more than you think. You bring more to the table than you know. Just make sure he knows how to work with you. Stay tuned for part II. . .
And Leah said, “God hath endued me with a good dowry . . .” Genesis 30:20 KJV
The practice of dowries is ancient, but in some cultures is still practiced, today. America is just not one of them. Our marriage traditions seem to revolve around the wedding and not preparation for marriage itself. People spend all this time dreaming about what gown they will wear; how many bridesmaids or groomsmen they will have; what the reception will be like; what their pictures are going to look like; their hair; the honeymoon or whatever. All of that for one day. The marriage itself, is going to last a lifetime (supposedly). And rarely does that level of planning and dreaming go into what it will take to sustain the marriage.
Dowries used to be given to the bride to take with her into the marriage. It was a sum of money or property that would be given to the bride as economic protection for her and possibly the children in case something happened to the husband or they were to be treated badly by the husband’s family. It was also something to help establish the new household and give the husband something to work with to build their own wealth as a new family. Usually, the dowry came from what the woman earned prior to the marriage or was given to her by her father.
The dowry system, like I mentioned, is not practiced in the USA to my knowledge. We have some similar practices of things like bridal showers, or bridal trunks, but that has seemed to turn more into an excuse to give lingerie or floating candles and massage oil to the bride. And while those things represent the fun side of a wedding and even a marriage, they do not do the same thing as a dowry. The dowry was to help establish and protect the household economically. The bridal shower gifts are often for fun. There are also the people who give money to the couple when they get married to help establish the household economically. I guess that is the closest we have to that assistance. But usually, couples spend more on their wedding than they get in financial gifts and often begin their lives together in debt.
Since money is one of the major causes of divorce, wouldn’t it make sense to do some level of preparation for the economics of a marriage before the wedding? And that means that both parties have a role in making preparations. So although we do not practice the customs of dowries in our country, I think the principles are worth discussing. What are you bringing to the table?
By this question, I am not only referring to your financial means. The scripture above, was not actually referring to money, but is speaking about what Leah thought she was bringing to her marriage to Jacob. And she acknowledged that that dowry came from God. Today, we have a lot of women who assume that their knight in shining armor is going to come and take care of everything economically for the household. And some men, also, think that it is their responsibility alone to do so. However, a wise woman builds her house, according to Proverbs 14:1. If you are not bringing something, then you are putting a lot of pressure on your man to do it all. But you also have to know what you are working with.
In dowry situations, a man was going to work with the dowry to help ease the burden of setting up the new household. The more he had to work with, the better they may be in the long run. There are two things working here: First, the woman had to have something to work with. Second, the man had to know how to work it. If you already know what you are working with, not every man is worthy of working it. But you (ladies) have to know the difference. There is nothing worse than giving somebody something of yours that they just jack up later. It’s like inviting someone into your house who comes in and puts holes in the wall all over the place. Or takes your car and goes joyriding and brings it back with dents and pieces missing. You don’t entrust your possessions to everybody, because not everybody can handle them properly.
Maybe you didn’t get a lot from your natural father for whatever reason, but your Heavenly Father has certainly given you plenty to work with. Regardless of your financial position in life, for those of us who want to be married, we have to know the value of what we are bringing to the table. And for those who do not yet know their value, perhaps you should not yet get married. If you are still willing to accept anybody into your life who clearly has no idea what to do with your dowry, then maybe you are not ready. You are bringing something to the table, and the man you say yes to, must know what to do with that. In your dowry is security for the family. In your dowry is protection for the family.
So what is in your dowry? God has given you plenty. You have gifts and talents that you need to be using. You have a brain that is useful and a way of thinking that can be of value to another person. You have dreams and goals that are important to the future of the family. Your man has to know how to work your dowry. All of it. If he cannot give you the space you need to be you and contribute what you have to the household, then he is actually holding himself back. God gave those things to you, but he will benefit as you share them with your man. And the better he is at knowing what to do with your dowry, the more fruitful your household could be. But if he is attempting to waste what you have been given, then he, too will suffer.
But I encourage all of us ladies to examine what we have been given to work with and use it to be of value, first to ourselves, then to a spouse. If you don’t know what you are working with, you cannot expect anyone else to either. You are worth a lot more than you think. You bring more to the table than you know. Just make sure he knows how to work with you. Stay tuned for part II. . .
Monday, January 2, 2012
Doing The Impossible Part II
Doing the Impossible Part II
“But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” Matthew 14:30-31 NIV
Peter was walking on the water. That is something that no one but Jesus had done. He accomplished something miraculous. I can only imagine what that must have felt like. To be out on the Sea of Galilee and literally walking on top of a liquid surface towards Jesus. With every step he must have said to himself, “Oh my God! This is really happening!” And then he takes another step. And another step. And then he sees the wind and immediately begins to sink and cries out for Jesus to help him.
How can you see wind? Isn’t wind invisible? The Bible speaks of something interesting here. It says that Peter saw the wind. But seeing wind is impossible. What we actually see are the effects of wind. We don’t see the wind itself. We see the natural consequence of what wind does when it blows. We see trees moving; hair blowing; objects in the air. We see the effects of wind on the material world. And the stronger the wind, the more damaging the wind appears to be.
So out on the water Peter was walking on, he saw the effects of the wind and got scared. He saw the natural consequences of the wind’s presence all around him and began to assume that he, too, should fall victim to the wind. But he was already defying natural consequences. People don’t walk on water. The weather conditions were irrelevant. He was already living a miracle.
As we move forward into a life of faith, we may find ourselves in positions where it seems impossible to do what we are already doing. It is true that what we are doing is impossible, and the only reason we can do it is because Jesus has called us to come to this place. In our natural minds, we can see the consequences all around us of what happens when others may try to do what we are doing and have failed. Maybe we see that naturally, when the wind blows, we should all of a sudden not be able to continue walking on water. Everything was good until the wind came. And because we cannot see the wind, we only see the effects of what the wind can do, we assume that we, too, are subject to the wind’s power.
But when we see the “wind” instead of seeing Jesus, we begin to live out the natural consequences of what should be in this circumstance. Peter only began to sink when he saw the wind. He took his eyes from the visible Jesus on to the invisible wind. He still knew Jesus was there because he called out to him when he began to sink. But he stopped believing in Jesus‘ power to keep him walking, and started to believe in the natural powers of the wind. Both were visible to him. The effects of the wind, and Jesus in front of him. But when the wind seemed stronger, he believed that is was, and began to sink.
I am currently walking on water in many ways. And there have been many winds that have blown my way and I, like Peter, cried out to Jesus for help. I knew Jesus was there. I knew that Jesus called me, but I saw the wind instead. And the wind reminded me that I should not be doing what I am doing. There are natural consequences to my actions and if I stop looking at Jesus, I will live those consequences. The only way for me to continue to do what I am doing is to keep my eyes on Jesus. How do I do that?
These days, Jesus is not walking the earth in his fleshly human form. I don’t have the luxury of seeing the person of Jesus of Nazareth standing on the water with me. But I can believe that this Jesus is still with me and continuing to call me to walk on the water. I already see the defying of natural law in what I am doing. And all around me are the natural consequences of what should be happening to me. I choose daily to focus of the Jesus that is calling me rather than the effects of the wind around me. I am already walking on water. No need to stop now. Sometimes I need to take a pause and pray and remind myself that if natural consequences were what God wanted to teach me, then I wouldn’t need faith. I could just keep living. But when God is trying to increase my faith, I will have to believe in the impossible. I will have to keep my focus on who Jesus is and not what natural law says. The moment I believe that natural law supersedes the spiritual one, I will sink. I will actually live out the fear. Once you walk on water you have to keep going knowing that even if you start to fall, Jesus will still catch you. But your faith will keep you walking.
With so many people making New Year’s Resolutions and setting goals of what they want to do this year, just know that if any of your goals is to walk by faith, winds will blow after you start to do it. It will be a matter of spiritual discipline and faith to continue to walk on water and ignore that natural consequences of what you think “should” be happening to you. You might need to step up your prayer game, increase your devotion time and lose some relationships but the faith walk is worth it. Do what you have to do in order to stay focused on Jesus and not the wind. The only way to conquer fear is with faith.
“But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” Matthew 14:30-31 NIV
Peter was walking on the water. That is something that no one but Jesus had done. He accomplished something miraculous. I can only imagine what that must have felt like. To be out on the Sea of Galilee and literally walking on top of a liquid surface towards Jesus. With every step he must have said to himself, “Oh my God! This is really happening!” And then he takes another step. And another step. And then he sees the wind and immediately begins to sink and cries out for Jesus to help him.
How can you see wind? Isn’t wind invisible? The Bible speaks of something interesting here. It says that Peter saw the wind. But seeing wind is impossible. What we actually see are the effects of wind. We don’t see the wind itself. We see the natural consequence of what wind does when it blows. We see trees moving; hair blowing; objects in the air. We see the effects of wind on the material world. And the stronger the wind, the more damaging the wind appears to be.
So out on the water Peter was walking on, he saw the effects of the wind and got scared. He saw the natural consequences of the wind’s presence all around him and began to assume that he, too, should fall victim to the wind. But he was already defying natural consequences. People don’t walk on water. The weather conditions were irrelevant. He was already living a miracle.
As we move forward into a life of faith, we may find ourselves in positions where it seems impossible to do what we are already doing. It is true that what we are doing is impossible, and the only reason we can do it is because Jesus has called us to come to this place. In our natural minds, we can see the consequences all around us of what happens when others may try to do what we are doing and have failed. Maybe we see that naturally, when the wind blows, we should all of a sudden not be able to continue walking on water. Everything was good until the wind came. And because we cannot see the wind, we only see the effects of what the wind can do, we assume that we, too, are subject to the wind’s power.
But when we see the “wind” instead of seeing Jesus, we begin to live out the natural consequences of what should be in this circumstance. Peter only began to sink when he saw the wind. He took his eyes from the visible Jesus on to the invisible wind. He still knew Jesus was there because he called out to him when he began to sink. But he stopped believing in Jesus‘ power to keep him walking, and started to believe in the natural powers of the wind. Both were visible to him. The effects of the wind, and Jesus in front of him. But when the wind seemed stronger, he believed that is was, and began to sink.
I am currently walking on water in many ways. And there have been many winds that have blown my way and I, like Peter, cried out to Jesus for help. I knew Jesus was there. I knew that Jesus called me, but I saw the wind instead. And the wind reminded me that I should not be doing what I am doing. There are natural consequences to my actions and if I stop looking at Jesus, I will live those consequences. The only way for me to continue to do what I am doing is to keep my eyes on Jesus. How do I do that?
These days, Jesus is not walking the earth in his fleshly human form. I don’t have the luxury of seeing the person of Jesus of Nazareth standing on the water with me. But I can believe that this Jesus is still with me and continuing to call me to walk on the water. I already see the defying of natural law in what I am doing. And all around me are the natural consequences of what should be happening to me. I choose daily to focus of the Jesus that is calling me rather than the effects of the wind around me. I am already walking on water. No need to stop now. Sometimes I need to take a pause and pray and remind myself that if natural consequences were what God wanted to teach me, then I wouldn’t need faith. I could just keep living. But when God is trying to increase my faith, I will have to believe in the impossible. I will have to keep my focus on who Jesus is and not what natural law says. The moment I believe that natural law supersedes the spiritual one, I will sink. I will actually live out the fear. Once you walk on water you have to keep going knowing that even if you start to fall, Jesus will still catch you. But your faith will keep you walking.
With so many people making New Year’s Resolutions and setting goals of what they want to do this year, just know that if any of your goals is to walk by faith, winds will blow after you start to do it. It will be a matter of spiritual discipline and faith to continue to walk on water and ignore that natural consequences of what you think “should” be happening to you. You might need to step up your prayer game, increase your devotion time and lose some relationships but the faith walk is worth it. Do what you have to do in order to stay focused on Jesus and not the wind. The only way to conquer fear is with faith.
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