The Dowry Revival Part I

The Dowry Revival Part I

And Leah said, “God hath endued me with a good dowry . . .” Genesis 30:20 KJV

The practice of dowries is ancient, but in some cultures is still practiced, today. America is just not one of them. Our marriage traditions seem to revolve around the wedding and not preparation for marriage itself. People spend all this time dreaming about what gown they will wear; how many bridesmaids or groomsmen they will have; what the reception will be like; what their pictures are going to look like; their hair; the honeymoon or whatever. All of that for one day. The marriage itself, is going to last a lifetime (supposedly). And rarely does that level of planning and dreaming go into what it will take to sustain the marriage.

Dowries used to be given to the bride to take with her into the marriage. It was a sum of money or property that would be given to the bride as economic protection for her and possibly the children in case something happened to the husband or they were to be treated badly by the husband’s family. It was also something to help establish the new household and give the husband something to work with to build their own wealth as a new family. Usually, the dowry came from what the woman earned prior to the marriage or was given to her by her father.

The dowry system, like I mentioned, is not practiced in the USA to my knowledge. We have some similar practices of things like bridal showers, or bridal trunks, but that has seemed to turn more into an excuse to give lingerie or floating candles and massage oil to the bride. And while those things represent the fun side of a wedding and even a marriage, they do not do the same thing as a dowry. The dowry was to help establish and protect the household economically. The bridal shower gifts are often for fun. There are also the people who give money to the couple when they get married to help establish the household economically. I guess that is the closest we have to that assistance. But usually, couples spend more on their wedding than they get in financial gifts and often begin their lives together in debt.

Since money is one of the major causes of divorce, wouldn’t it make sense to do some level of preparation for the economics of a marriage before the wedding? And that means that both parties have a role in making preparations. So although we do not practice the customs of dowries in our country, I think the principles are worth discussing. What are you bringing to the table?

By this question, I am not only referring to your financial means. The scripture above, was not actually referring to money, but is speaking about what Leah thought she was bringing to her marriage to Jacob. And she acknowledged that that dowry came from God. Today, we have a lot of women who assume that their knight in shining armor is going to come and take care of everything economically for the household. And some men, also, think that it is their responsibility alone to do so. However, a wise woman builds her house, according to Proverbs 14:1. If you are not bringing something, then you are putting a lot of pressure on your man to do it all. But you also have to know what you are working with.

In dowry situations, a man was going to work with the dowry to help ease the burden of setting up the new household. The more he had to work with, the better they may be in the long run. There are two things working here: First, the woman had to have something to work with. Second, the man had to know how to work it. If you already know what you are working with, not every man is worthy of working it. But you (ladies) have to know the difference. There is nothing worse than giving somebody something of yours that they just jack up later. It’s like inviting someone into your house who comes in and puts holes in the wall all over the place. Or takes your car and goes joyriding and brings it back with dents and pieces missing. You don’t entrust your possessions to everybody, because not everybody can handle them properly.
Maybe you didn’t get a lot from your natural father for whatever reason, but your Heavenly Father has certainly given you plenty to work with. Regardless of your financial position in life, for those of us who want to be married, we have to know the value of what we are bringing to the table. And for those who do not yet know their value, perhaps you should not yet get married. If you are still willing to accept anybody into your life who clearly has no idea what to do with your dowry, then maybe you are not ready. You are bringing something to the table, and the man you say yes to, must know what to do with that. In your dowry is security for the family. In your dowry is protection for the family.

So what is in your dowry? God has given you plenty. You have gifts and talents that you need to be using. You have a brain that is useful and a way of thinking that can be of value to another person. You have dreams and goals that are important to the future of the family. Your man has to know how to work your dowry. All of it. If he cannot give you the space you need to be you and contribute what you have to the household, then he is actually holding himself back. God gave those things to you, but he will benefit as you share them with your man. And the better he is at knowing what to do with your dowry, the more fruitful your household could be. But if he is attempting to waste what you have been given, then he, too will suffer.

But I encourage all of us ladies to examine what we have been given to work with and use it to be of value, first to ourselves, then to a spouse. If you don’t know what you are working with, you cannot expect anyone else to either. You are worth a lot more than you think. You bring more to the table than you know. Just make sure he knows how to work with you. Stay tuned for part II. . .