The Dowry Revival Part II

The Dowry Revival Part II

“And Leah said, God hath endued me with a good dowry; now will my husband dwell with me, because I have born him six sons. . . “ Genesis 30:20 KJV

So now that you know what you are working with and what you bring to the table, what do you do with that information? There are a lot of us out there who have finally gotten to the point in our lives where we know that God has made us for a purpose. God has given us gifts and talents and all of these wonderful things that we use to make ourselves fruitful in this life. We even start to use those things, and maybe get a few accolades on occasion. Maybe we start to know what we are working with, and we work it. But this can also sometimes be deceiving.

Leah was the first wife of Jacob, given to him by her father, Laban as a con. Jacob was intent on marrying Rachel, Leah’s younger sister, whom he was in love with. But Laban tricked Jacob by giving him Leah as a wife instead, and since he was drunk and she was veiled on his wedding night, he couldn’t tell. He woke in the morning to find out that the switch was made, and he would have to work another seven years for Laban in order to get Rachel as a wife. Leah was not Jacob’s first choice. He was still in love with Rachel when he was with Leah. And Leah felt rejected because of it.

I would, too. But in those days, women didn’t really have much say in their lives the way we do now. They were chosen as a wife for a man and given away by their fathers. They didn’t get to date the way we do (which by the way is a fairly new practice). They didn’t get to go out an build careers and then have their pick of men. They had to deal with their circumstances differently than we do today. Having a good dowry was another way that she found value in her life. And part of what Leah used to find value in herself was her ability to produce children for Jacob. She thought that because she bore him six sons, Jacob would suddenly change his mind towards her. She was working with something great . . . fertility. In those days, a woman’s ability to have children was how she found value. But Leah was using the wrong measurement to determine her worth.

Although the circumstances might not be the same as we have today, the mentality that Leah had is not foreign to us. There are still many of us who believe that because we are gifted or wealthy or fertile, we can use that as a way to get other people to love us. We flaunt ourselves before those who really don’t want anything to do with us. And then we think that is we possess the fruit of what society values as important, we can use that to build relationships. That’s just not true. There are plenty of women out there who still believe that by having a man’s child, you can get him to love you. Not going to happen. There are women out there who believe that by being wealthy, they can get a man to love them. Not going to happen. There are women out there who believe that by being the best homemaker in the world and serving his every need, they can get a man to love them. Not going to happen. The only way for someone to love you is for them to love you. It’s their choice. You influence that by just being yourself and being confident in who you are. Nothing external that you do will ever cause someone to love you and if that is the only reason for them loving you, then when those things go away, so does the person.

Knowing your worth does not mean that you have to use those things to force people into relationship with you. Love yourself. And anyone who loves you will love you for you. Relationships don’t last long term if they are built on superficial reasons. If you are not comfortable with you, then no one else will be either. Know what you are bringing to the table, but don’t use that to try to control another person. If that is the only reason they are with you, then you never had them in the first place. Love yourself enough to engage in genuine relationships instead of superficial ones. Leah didn’t really have a choice. We do. Choose wisely.

Stay tuned for part III. . .