Sexual Freedom

Sexual Freedom

“I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but I will not be mastered by anything. - 1 Corinthians 6:12 NIV

At the risk of being condemned by the religious right and prudes of the world, I am going to write about sex today. I know that this is a topic that most churches stay away from in any truthful way. The most you may hear is that having sex out of wedlock is sin, and should be avoided at all costs. Yet what you also find is that in the church there are so many people having sex, either being unmarried or even outside of their marriage, that it is a topic that should be addressed. Paul goes on at great length to the Corinthian church about issues of sex and addresses questions they had about it.
One thing that we have to realize when looking at what Paul says about sex and marriage in 1 Corinthians 6 & 7, is that he was talking to an audience who was extremely culturally divided. You had some Jews, Romans and Greeks, all of whom had their own cultural practices regarding sex. Jews considered sex before marriage an act of adultery against your future spouse, and punished it as if you committed adultery. Greek thinkers felt that sex outside of marriage was fine as long as it didn’t control you. Romans allowed for things like prostitution, unless you were of the aristocracy, and then forbade you to fornicate. So the Corinthians had all of these attitudes towards sex in their culture, and Paul was trying to give them some clarity on how they should filter through all of this as followers of Christ.
It’s not that different than America today. You have some people who are sexually free, and feel that it is ok to do it however, whenever and with whomever you want. You have some who are so against sex before marriage that they are willing to tell you that you will go to hell if you have it. You have some who believe that you don’t have to be married, but should be in a committed relationship before you have sex with a person. And many others who are absolutely clueless about what they believe about sex but are doing it anyway. We don’t even know sometimes where our philosophy of sex comes from. The media does a great job in giving us what they want us to believe about it, and much of that is a lie. But if that is all we see, then we might believe that it is true. Maybe you had some sort of sex talk from your parents that shaped your philosophy. Maybe you took on the teachings of your church’s opinion or lack thereof regarding sex. Maybe you only learned by experience, which also limits you. At the end of the day, you have to know where you stand on this topic, because you will be influenced by something or someone else. And I would hope that you develop this stance before you engage in a sexual relationship with another person.
It has taken me years and some fumbles to truly develop a personal theology and philosophy about sex. When I was younger, I avoided it because I didn’t want to get pregnant or get a disease. Then when I got older, I didn’t care so much about that, but wanted to make sure I was actually in a committed relationship. Then I didn’t want to have sex because I feared that God would condemn me for it if I did. Then I realized that God would forgive me, but I would have a hard time forgiving myself. Then I realized that God will be faithful to give us a way out of any situation that was not good for us, we just have to look for it. And today, I just know that I choose not to have sex with any man who is not my husband. That is my personal theology that I have developed over time based on my personal relationship with God and my willingness to seek His guidance on this matter.
It’s not because I am making a deal with God in order to get a husband, or because I am afraid of getting pregnant, or getting a disease. It is truly out of my love for God that I honor my body and choose to edify my spirit with my decision. It’s not that I can’t do it. I choose not to. It’s not a rule and regulation that I need to follow because I am a Christian. I choose to abstain. It’s not out of fear, it is out of faith. And if I slip up one day, it won’t be the end of the world. I don’t think I’ll go to hell or resolve that my life is over or that I’ll never be married because no man will want me. I’ll deal with it as God gives me the grace. And if I make it to marriage, it won’t be because I am so disciplined and so holy that I did it. It will be because God gave me grace to do it. Either way, it comes down to God’s grace. We all need it.
So many people that I have counseled have so many issues regarding sex, whether it be while they are dating or even in their marriages. Much of it comes from the lack of an understanding of it and reconciling it with their faith. If they had sex before marriage but marry the person anyway, they still sometimes have issues of guilt that come up years later and manifest in different ways. They have to get to the root of what they believe about sex before they can truly heal. If they abstained from sex for so long and got used to disciplining themselves physically to deny their sexual desires, they sometimes have a problem saying yes, even in marriage. Both can be a problem. How do you find balance?
I can’t force my opinions on you or persuade you to take my approach to your sexual life. But what I do know is that in sex, you are physically uniting to another human being to become one flesh. If you don’t know who you are as an individual, you may start to take on the characteristics of that other person and begin to lose yourself over time. That may lead to resentment and make it really difficult to exist in relationship with that person or become the true you. It’s easy to lose yourself, especially if you never knew who you were. Sex is designed to unite people spiritually, emotionally as well as physically. So if you choose to have it, you better be prepared to carry that person with you at all times. That is why it was designed for people who have already made a commitment to be with one another for life. Because even if you are apart, you can still feel that person. Only God can break that tie.
Like Paul told the Corinthians, you can do anything you want to do, but everything does not help you grow. Know what you are getting into. You might think that you can predict the consequences, but you can’t always. It’s not like God is against sex. He created it! Why not talk to the one who created it so that in your life, it can be what it was created to be? As opposed to just always asking for forgiveness for doing what you wanted to do anyway. There is a better way to live. So I encourage you to read 1 Corinthians 6 & 7 for yourself and talk to God about where you are in regards to sex in your own life. Having a personal conviction can help you to remain firm in times of temptation and also to avoid the guilt associated with doing something that you don’t want to do, simply because someone else wanted to do it. Know God for yourself. God will help you to know yourself.
I personally like the way the Message Bible puts it:
“There's more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, "The two become one." Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never "become one." There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for "becoming one" with another. Or didn't you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don't you see that you can't live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.” 1 Corinthians 6:16-20